Part 2 ~ The Offer
December 1996"cccccCunard are offering you their first ever Southampton - ccccCaribbean - Southampton ccccCruise. It will be our first ever ccccCaribbean cruise starting from Southampton rather than Miami. The man with the stutter man turned out to be a free lancer who ran an agency which put lecturers on ships.
“Gary Rhodes is doing his transatlantic crossing to New York in July. He’ s bringing his wife and two sons and they plan to fly back on ccccConcorde, at his expense , of course. We’ll need you to do four exotic ccccCooking Demonstrations. You’ll get no fee, but you’ll get two free Princess Grill ccccClass ccccCabins. You’ll pay you own bar bills”, he added
“and you’ll not get a bar discount. Are you interested?”.
As someone who never says ‘no’ to interesting offers, and boy, was this interesting, I said
“yes” “That’s great,” he said
“I’ll get Sarah Phelps to deal with the details. Jilly Goolden’ will be on board doing the wines, so let her know what you’re ccccccooking. Did I tell you, she’s bringing her family.”And before I could ask questions, he hung up.
That was the offer. It was meaningless to me. Dominique and I had never been on a cruise, let alone on the QE2, which I called the QE11. I called ships ‘boats’ and the only sea crossings we’d done were on Dover-Calais ferries; and we’d thrown up each time we’d been on them. I thanked the Lord for the Chunnel, and then here I was committing us to 16 days on the high seas. I’d no idea what the Princess Grill was ... I thought it might be a burger joint. I already knew about no fee, but was miffed at the no discount policy, and it was the first I’d heard that Jilly would be on board and I didn’t know why she needed to know what I was cooking for my demos. What's all this 'bring the family stuff?' In any case, why do Cunard want me?
I was soon to find out.
A few days later the phone rang and the afore said Sarah Phelps introduced herself to me as ‘Sales Administration Co-ordinator Cunard Line Ltd, South Western House, Canute Road, Southampton.’
“I understand you’re on our ‘Caribbean Masterpiece Cruise’”, she said.
“Yes” I said.
“Good; Management are thrilled. We’ve never had a Guest Chef doing curries.” “
Guest Chef?" said I
“I was expecting to do cooking demos.” “Oh yes you are but you can’t expect the passengers to watch you cook and not eat your food . They’ll expect it on the menus. Guest Chef menus are very popular. Is that OK?”As I’ve already said, being a person who never says no I said
“Yes”.
“Great ... I’ll send you a contract. Talk to you in the New Year. Happy Christmas.”Being called Guest Chef was flattering, and true Dominique and I had cooked in some prestigious places like Hilton Australia , Taj Hotels India and Selfridges Restaurants, but the QE2??? I could really only lay claim to being a Guest on the ship not Guest Chef. I rang Sarah back to explain, but she assured me all would be OK. So I signed the contract.
May 1997The phone rang and it was Sarah.
“Remember me?”, she chirruped,
“it’s time to get things moving. Your cruise is in October, but we need to get things planned well in advance. As Guest Chef, you must decide what you want to put on the menu and when and you’ll need to book your food requirement through the ship’s chandler three months before she sails on your cruise, so that’s July latest. We’ll need your recipes and demo programme now. Exec Chef wants to meet you pronto. He’ll guide you as to quantities and procedures. So I’ll fix for you visit the ship when she’s in Southampton. And you’ll need to meet Cruise. Is that OK?”“
Yes”.
“By the way, Jilly wants to meet to match her wine to your food and cook her some samples. Is that OK?”“Er, Yes, I guess so.”
“I need your passport details. I’m sending you an embarkation form to fill up. Brian says you’re bringing your family. Jilly’s bringing her three kids and husband. Let me know how many you’re bringing so I can allocate two adjacent cabins. And get the forms back pronto. Is that OK?”“Er yes”.
She rang off.
What I want on the menu? Chandler? Cruise? Matching wines? Family?
Visiting the ship? Had I missed something? I had really no idea what she was on about.
For this first timer, dealing with Cunard was confusing. I felt they were useless at communicating with people like me. After all it wasn’t me chasing them; it was them cold-calling and booking me. I got used to their rather curt management style. They offer you a take-it-or-leave-it deal. If you say yes, (and who doesn’t), you tell them what you will do on board, sign up then nothing happens, sometimes for months. Then the boarding passes arrive, and flight tickets paid for by Cunard, to / from destinations all over the world (BA economy at Mariners’ rates inc 40k baggage limit) wherever you had to embark / disembark.
But I’m jumping ahead.
By mutual consent we settled for an August visit to the ship in Southampton.
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